I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
