How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
