oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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