You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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