I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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