Do you still have your period?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
