I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
