I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
