He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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