Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
