can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
