Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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