so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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