You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
