The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
