So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
