we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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