Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
