the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
