please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
