We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
