Just fell off a train. Bad.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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