You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
