and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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