We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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