I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
