the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
