My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
