Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
