Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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