So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
