and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
