No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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