If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
