Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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