She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
