Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
