I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
