I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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