Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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