it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Success! We fucked roommates!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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