Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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