I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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