Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
