I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
