He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
