I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
