Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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