apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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