Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
